My 24 year old with special needs started a new life skills class today. Knowing she was excited but riddled with anxiety, I tried to keep her busy until it was time to go. We made a list together of things she wanted the staff to know about her.
“I am kind.” was her number one.
This was her first re-entry attempt into a social setting with peers in awhile. She graduated from public school just as COVID-19 was gearing up to rear it’s ugly head and bring life as we knew it to a screeching halt.
It’s probably safe to say that after so much time quarantined at home, it took most of us a minute to get used to being around anyone other than immediate family or close friends. That uncertainty can be exponentially multiplied when you have Autism. It means completely upending the current schedule that provides rigid security, bumpers if you will, that bring reassurance that life is consistent and therefore, safe. Implementing changes, even good change, can make one extremely resistant.
For those with sensory overload issues, every new situation they walk into leaves them in constant fight or flight mode, scanning for threats to their well being, perceived or real. Every one of their senses is heightened and they are filled with fear and anxiety, unsure of the unknown. It’s hard to send your kids off and entrust them with people you don’t know, no matter how great you’ve heard the program is or how well it’s been vetted. It’s especially hard when you know they are scared.
We arrived and at first she wouldn’t get out of the car. When she was finally willing to step out of the car, she announced several times over that she wasn’t going in. After several minutes of my unsuccessful persuasion, we were “rescued” by staff members. She decided after some cheerleading on their part that they were trustworthy enough to be around and off she went.
My daughter has taught me things her whole life. Today she reminded me that just because things may be good for you, it doesn’t mean they don’t feel scary at first. That we all may need time to adjust to new normals. That being brave happens one decision and one step at at time.
She also reminded me that no matter how old your kids are, you may still have to fight back the tears at drop off.
As we all press on through the myriad of everyday tasks, new things that stretch us but feel scary, or even when we are called on to do some unexpected, really hard things . . . may we remember that no season lasts forever. We can be excited and still cry. We can be scared and brave at the same time.
And maybe . . . most importantly . . . we can remember that everyone else is going through something, too.
So even when we’re not sure what to say or do next, we can always start with “kind”.
What was the last thing you did that you weren’t sure you could do? What did you tell yourself to push through?
hindsight 