I had a therapist tell me years ago that one of THE most important things we need to do in life is learn how to grieve. Not a skill we like to think about needing to develop but critical nonetheless.
I don’t think most of us realize how often we move through life either actively in or resisting the grief process. Perhaps both simultaneously. Maybe we just aren’t aware of or know what to do with the feelings we experience.
I’ve been wanting to read this book since it came out and there is a reason it’s on the best seller’s list. Lori did an amazing job of weaving the stories of others with her own, and in doing so showed us how the power of being truly seen can change us, especially in our hardest and most vulnerable moments. There are so many insights on many topics, as moved with several people through therapy while simultaneously participating in her own therapy. Here is an excerpt from the book that made me sit back in my chair to try and really let the words sink in:
“Therapists talk a lot about how the past informs the present – how our histories affect the way we think, feel, and behave, and how at some point in our lives, we have to let go of the fantasy of creating a better past. If we don’t accept the notion that there’s no redo, much as we try to get our parents or siblings or partners to fix what happened years ago, our pasts will keep us stuck. Changing our relationship to the past is a staple of therapy. But we talk far less about how our relationship to the future informs the present too. Our notion of the future can be just as powerful a roadblock to change as our notion of the past.
We tend to think that the future happens later, but we’re creating it in our minds every day. When the present falls apart, so does the future we had associated with it. And having the future taken away, is the mother of all plot twists. But if we spend the present trying to fix the past or control future, we will remain stuck in place, and perpetual regret.”
hindsight 